Life is moving according to plan.
Everything you want you have and the things you do not yet have, you know they are available to you whenever you want them. At the same time, your accomplishments and subsequent financial success have propelled you to become the primary person in the family whom everyone goes to with financial problems. It seems as though your socioeconomic status, career, and access to resources have made you the default caregiver to your aging parents. You tell yourself that you did not work this hard to be the person to take care of your parents and extended family while trying to care for your immediate family. Trying to take care of everyone you are responsible for (whether intentional or unintentional) leaves little room for you to give care to yourself.
Being a caregiver feels isolating and frustrating because you are watching your parents grow older and decline in health, which you know is part of life.
On the other hand, being present every day and watching them age sends you into ongoing states of anger, frustration, denial, negotiation, and depression because the roles have changed. As a result, you are no longer just their adult child; you are now acting as their parent/caregiver who has to learn how to navigate this change without misplacing your frustrations on them.
It also keeps you from doing things you want because you feel guilty doing things for yourself when you know they need you to be okay. Being a caregiver of aging parents is starting to spill over into this life you created where you only had to give care to your work, friendships, family, home, self, etc., and it is causing you additional anxiety and stress. The desire to hold onto the life you have created before this new role and watching it be smothered by the extended family's needs has created an inner conflict that you need help navigating this experience.
As a caregiver, you are always in conflict with what you want and need...
so much so that you are still last on the list when it comes to taking care of yourself and you are annoyed, but you can't say it out loud out of fear of shame and guilt because of the thoughts and feelings you are having.
There are also other family dynamics you are struggling with because you are the one managing everything, but you have others telling you what to do when you are the person who is there every day. You are frustrated that you still consider others' thoughts and feelings about decisions that affect you first and foremost. You want to know that they understand you are the main person dealing with the decline of the parents, their financial issues, the reality of their mortality and fragility, being cussed out for trying to show them new ways of doing things, neglecting your needs because you are the one with resources (time, energy and money) but your carrying capacity is super low.
You are tired, scared, frustrated, sad, angry, and it's hard to see the silver lining.
You are also thinking about how much you have done to support the family in general, and now taking on this role feels overwhelming because the requests from other family members to provide assistance when requested are still coming in.
You feel challenged with saying "No" because you do have the resources that are needed to assist your extended family yet, it feels as though you are being taken advantage of and unappreciated. It's hard for you to decide which one is better, feeling guilty for saying "No" or feeling frustrated and angry for saying "Yes" when you want to say "No."
As holistic therapists we focus on the whole person.
We start our work with clients who are caregivers of aging parents by acknowledging that you are a caregiver who needs care given to them as well. We support caregiving clients with:
Acknowledging the challenges they have experienced since assuming the role of caregiving
Identifying the factors that led to them becoming the caregiver
Identifying active and inactive support systems
Clarifying the type of experience they want to have if they continue caring for their aging parents
Assessing their personal well-being plan and creating one for their aging parents to help with cultivating quality of life
...And Much More
Our therapists offer additional strategies and tools tailored to your unique needs and experiencesWe also support caregiving clients with navigating ambiguous grief and loss that comes along when caring for aging parents or family members, in addition to developing boundaries along the way to better manage family conversations about the overall well-being of the parents or family members.
Caregiving clients in New Jersey and Pennsylvania ultimately learn how to embrace positive thoughts and feelings about being a caregiver
because they can see beyond the current experience and are now creating an infrastructure for their life where their aging parents can receive quality care and have an elevated quality of life as they continue to get older without neglecting themselves in the process. Using a holistic approach, we help empower caregivers to redefine their roles as leaders within the family system where they can delegate based on other's strengths, communicate effectively, and make decisions from a positive emotional and mental state versus a negative state. Our clients also feel a sense of freedom as they step into this new level of awareness because they are more open to sharing the responsibility of caregiving and are not overextending themselves anymore.
Our holistic therapists are uniquely positioned to work with you as we have supported numerous caregiving clients who also provide care for their immediate family, team at work, community, etc., without depleting themselves. Caregiving doesn't have to be hard if you understand the health of your carrying capacity and what you need to keep going.
If you are a caregiver who wants to know what it is like to be given care as you are learning to care for aging parents while balancing the life you created.
A life that allows you to be in a position to care for them without feeling anxiety, stressed, overwhelmed, angry, or any other negative feeling that could keep you from being present with this experience then click here to schedule a consultation call or click here to learn more about our work with caregivers and how therapy can make a difference in how you feel today, tomorrow, and beyond.