After encountering a toxic person, you may wonder to yourself if you are capable of picking healthy people to engage in relationships with, especially when you have had toxic encounters in the family system. 

The reality is that toxic people leave a significant impact on your life whether you are aware or not. For example, you may be more guarded in your overall presentation. You may be reluctant to be open with others or allow others to get close with you out of fear that they will be similar to the other toxic people in your life. It is almost as if you become suspicious of others' intentions with you. You are more pessimistic now whereas before you were optimistic and overall someone other people enjoyed being around. 

However, others may find it difficult to be around you because you exude high anxiety, fear and distrust. You may become more negative with your thoughts, thus stopping yourself from pursuing an idea or opportunity. You are always exhausted when you are around them and never seem to have any energy to do things for yourself. 

Your self-esteem may also be impacted where you stop holding yourself as high value or struggle to feel a sense of self-worth. You may feel stagnant in your development but it is because the toxic person is not growing and with you being around them, you are less likely to grow as well. Ultimately, your sense of healthy relationships (both platonic and intimate) become distorted and you may start seeking relationships that mirror the relationship you have with the toxic person because that is what is now familiar to you. 

As you read through these questions, answer them honestly because you may be more impacted than you realize…

Am I more likely to be stressed?

Stressful situations that involve a toxic person can create damage on your physical body. Stress triggers hormones that put you physically on alert because you are in survival mode on a consistent basis. Chronic stress can cause physical issues such as backaches, tension headaches and migraines. You may also experience a weakened immune system which makes you more susceptible to colds and flus and have greater risk for heart problems, high blood pressure and sugar levels. The level of exhaustion is significantly high and low energy is a common occurrence for people who continue to engage in interactions with toxic people. 

How does a toxic relationship impact my self-esteem?

Low self-esteem can make you feel bad, damaged, worthless and shameful. You may also feel this way about others. When your relationships have been toxic in nature, you learn to live in a constant ebb and flow of emotions that allow you to accept anything that a person gives you (behaviorally and emotionally). Your boundaries become non-existent and you start to believe the negative messages and stories created about you by the toxic person(s) in your life. Absorbing those negative messages may have you seeing yourself as unworthy of love, attention, praise and reward.  

Will I be able to trust other people?

Trust takes time to develop and when it has been distorted for the benefit of someone else, it can feel like a bigger task to trust again. Toxic relationships have the ability to make you feel less confident and secure but more alone and insecure. The truth is that it only takes one situation where you start to second-guess yourself or feel invalidated and your sense of trust becomes disrupted in others. Distrust of yourself leaves room for further victimization from people who may have toxic traits or behaviors and you are more likely to be open to those interactions because it is familiar. 

Will I ever feel in control again?

Toxic relationship has the power to make you feel less in control of your thoughts and emotions. You may develop a sense that nothing you do in any aspect of your life will change the outcome, action becomes useless and your voice loses its power. Toxic people tend to thrive on the power and control they obtain from you, thus leaving you feel as though you are now part of the group of people who have no power and a middle ground does not exist for someone like you. Ultimately, there may be difficulty in accepting yourself for the role you have played as the recipient of the toxic behavior, again making yourself feel powerless. 

Will I be able to connect with others on a deeper level?

Intimacy with others can become distorted because there is a possibility of no longer seeing relationships as a place of trust, safety, care and value lives. Intimacy becomes hard to navigate for fear of expressing strength and vulnerability, and weakness and competence as invitations to be mistreated. Toxicity can create false narratives to make you think you are deserving to be mistreated and taken advantage of my others. You may seek relationships that are harmful and dysfunctional because it is most familiar, thus losing the ability to recognized when there is a happy, healthy and healing relationship present for you. 

What do I do when this toxic relationship starts to feel abusive?

Toxicity and abuse can both be present in a relationship but they are different in presentation yet both words are used to describe negative experiences in relationships. A key point to remember is that most abusers have toxic behaviors and traits whereas not all toxic people are abusers. Toxicity and abuse live on a spectrum at different ends but the determining factor is the action/reaction cycle for toxic interactions and control in abusive interactions. Toxicity in relationships can be characterized as unhealthy communication that ultimately results in arguments or someone shutting down, chaos and drama are often present in all interactions, the toxic person becomes the victim when it suits them, lack of responsibility for their actions, etc. 

In abusive relationships, the abuser is always in control, they are calculated and deliberate in their actions, the abuse may start out as emotional and mental then escalating to physical and sexual, and the relationship is controlled at every iteration (financially, sexually, social, behaviorally, etc.). The behaviors on both ends of the spectrum tend to overlap, therefore the difference is not always clear but it is important to know that toxicity begins when an individual feels as though they have a lack of control and abuse begins when someone is trying to take control. Toxicity in relationships can cause similar trauma and harm as abuse can along with long term psychological damage. Whereas abuse causes insurmountable psychological and emotional hurt because the behaviors are intentional and there is motivation to support the actions. 

How can I protect myself? 

Toxic people are here but they need support and healing. Although it may feel difficult at times to know who to trust and how to navigate relationships based on your past experience and underlying anxiety or fear around connecting with others, the reality is that you can heal and continue to move forward. You may have realized at this point that there are a number of people whom you have encountered who could be considered as toxic during the time you knew them. It is okay for you to grieve those relationships and who you were at that time. Being able to acknowledge your experiences also affirms that those relationships were important to you and you did your best to be caring, compassionate and respectful. You are encouraged to take you time and allow healing to take place naturally.

The hurt we have discussed is emotional, relational and psychological, therefore you owe it to yourself to become attuned to your feelings and thoughts and respect what they tell you. As someone who may have had power and control taken from them on different occasions, this is also your opportunity to regain a sense of safety, stability and security within yourself. You are also employed to recognize your strength, because the very fact that you survived these experiences means that you will be able to thrive in future relationships as well. Take the time to consider what is important to you relationally and how you would like to communicate those relational aspects to the people in your life because you are practicing what it means to stand firm in your beliefs now.  

Recipients of toxic behaviors struggle significantly with managing boundaries, self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth because they are constantly in a state of confusion and overwhelmed by the interactions. 

Toxic people have a significant impact on the people around them. If you find yourself in need of assistance with working through a toxic relationship please email us at admin@dahliarosewellness.com or click here for a free consultation so we can support you with reclaiming your power, releasing guilt and shame, and creating a life that you are wildly obsessed with.